I was in your neighborhood last night. Even went to our favorite brunch spot (for dinner this time). Even though I had a great time and enjoyed making a new memory there, it was impossible not to remember every moment we spent there together – the time we went with mom and Angie, the other time with Lindsey, etc. I especially remembered our conversation about Britt & Ben’s wedding and Alexis’ bizarre text message over by the knick-knack/gift area of Busboys and Poets. Walking down the street in Shirlington, I remembered the ‘adoption day’ with all the shelter dogs. You had to say hello to each and every furry one.
I hadn’t been any of these places since you were alive. I completely avoided the entire area since the day you died last year. Being there again reminded me of every moment of that Sunday, mother's day. I got the call, driving on the GW parkway, “your brother’s dead” reverberating through my head. The shock, hyperventilating, screaming "my brother's dead! my brother's dead!" I think I was trying to convince myself. Getting from there the parkway to your townhouse. Waiting outside. For what? You'd been dead since late Friday/early Saturday. Calling the relatives. Getting word to your friends. Not able to go in the house. It’s too awful – you don’t want to see this. Finally heading back to Reston. As soon as I saw them, all your friends, I knew it must be real. Really??
We had some great times together. Many of the happiest and proudest moments of my life happened in the 6 weeks after I moved back to DC before you died – and were all because of you. Even just knowing that we were enjoying each other’s company – that I wasn’t a totally annoying little sister – was huge. In life, you had no idea how much your love, friendship, and approval meant to me. I know that you do now. Just wish we had gotten there sooner. My heart is broken still in missing you.
Love you, Jeff.
